I’ve met menopause and she certainly wasn’t invited in
I’ve met menopause and she certainly wasn’t invited in. Much to my dismay she barged right past me and plopped on the couch – wide butt and all.
I am female and I’m sure menopause is female too.
A bitchy, hairy, moody, overweight ,old female that is. She has brought periods that drain me of so much blood I should actually lose weight from the loss.
Is this a regular occurrence? Oh no, it’s a really neat game that only she knows. Is it here? Will it come on time?
Maybe I’m pregnant because it’s been so long between… Oh no, that’s right, you have to be young and having sex to get pregnant. Oh well, maybe tomorrow.
Hmmm what to wear today. Am I cold or hot? Well at this moment I am, no wait, now I’m cold – oh wait – now I’m sweating – flushed – cold – shivering.
Maybe I should just go naked and carry an easy to remove poncho! Have I searched for help?
Far and wide – I actually found the end of the internet one day. I tried to telepathically communicate with beings from other planets to see if their creator has visited this wonderful “change of life” on them and what they do but to no avail.
I’ve asked my doctor (and friends, and recently complete strangers on the street) to remove any and all organs below my navel that appear to be unneeded at this point.
Ah, but insurance says no. I’d like to meet insurance and ask him who gave him the right to see that I live the next five, 10, 15 years bleeding like a stuck pig, hair growing on places that only old men should have hair, and screaming at innocent young children and crying for the state of the world the next.
Finally, did I manage to feel better? Yes, by writing this!
Very entertaining read!
I’ve been in menopause a few years now. Initially thought I was having some kind of mental breakdown so you can imagine my joy when I discovered it was just the symptoms of menopause!
I kept a journal, which eventually turned into a book: Whatever! A Baby Boomer’s Journey Into Middle Age, where I talk about the seven dwarfs and all of those other menopause related issues that tend to plague us.
The funniest experience I had was sitting next to a little boy in church one Sunday when he looked at me and said, “Lady, why do you have that mustache?”
Enjoy Your Menopause!
I am happy to see that women can laugh about the unpredictability of menopause. Sometimes, it happens earlier than we are lead to believe. It would be nice if when you told people about it they didn’t discount you because you’re only forty.